Santa and the Weaponized Christmas Trout

Did you notice I’ve been absent for a few days weeks months.

Fine, its been months.

(Already looking for the recipe?

I know you.  Skip all this blah blah blah stuff to find the recipe.

Surprise, there’s not one, but if you stop reading now you will be missing an amazing story of how to survive 10 days with the in-laws over Thanksgiving, then how a Trout Zeppelin has been terrorizing me…

Fine, be that way.)

How am I able to just walk away from my job for a few months?

That’s because…  I’m a Blogger.

Notice the capital “B”?

Yeah, it’s a thing.

I took a few months off to do other things.

Jealous?

Jealous that I can just take time off?

(Don’t be!  You too can be a blogger.  I know someone who can teach you how.  Click

                                                  here                                                         

 

Click that to learn how to change your life!

Seriously, don’t sit around thinking you don’t have a story to tell, because you do. Hurry, enrollment ENDS tonight!)

 

So, even before Halloween, Christmas was going up around my house.

I know, some of you think that’s sacrilegious.  At one point I had Valentines on my mind, surrounded by Halloween, Christmas Trees and a few turkeys for good measure.

Why so early?

It’s all a matter of timing.

We give a HUGE Holliday Party early in the month of December, so, that speeds up the timeline by A LOT.

Huge party.  60-70 people.

Since, you know, that’s not enough pressure my husband invited his parents up for a 10 day visit a week before the party.

…AND FOR THANKSGIVING!

My laundry room suddenly turned into a guest room.

I made a super fun cake for a dear friend’s daughters first Birthday right in the middle of the visit…

You are probably wondering how I did that.

It’s SUUUUUPEEER easy and I’ll show you how…

eventually.

The visit included a day trip up to Vermont to The Vermont Country Store.

Talk about a trip…

They look happy don’t they.

They were actually delightful.

I’m looking forward to their Spring visit, but fair warning…

IF they want a fire in June to stay warm, they have to deal with me walking around nekkid.

While in Vermont I scored some amazing Maple Syrup and made a Maple Custard Pie which was out of this world.  It’s from Martha, so how can it be wrong?

As soon as they left to go back to Mississippi I switched full force into getting ready for the Holiday Party.

Oh sure.

Sounds easy.

Imagine getting ready for a huge party and having CIA trained Kara Andretta IN YOUR KITCHEN!

Pressure much?

WHAT IF I USE THE WRONG WHIPPER?

What if I totally forget how to do everything?

WHAT IF SHE SEES MY PANTRY?

WHAT IF SHE SEES HOW DIRTY MY FRIDGE IS???

Kara was an amazing help!

I totally avoided the pantry as if it didn’t even exist.

I open and closed the fridge very quickly too.

We had a lot of fun both days she was in my kitchen.

However…

I will NOT be explaining my cousin’s decision to start a blog called “Tiny Hands and Fat Hens” …

She was born with exceptionally small hands and all she has ever wanted in life is to pet a fat hen.  

1 Like= 1 prayer

The party, as always, was a massive good time.

The man in red who you will see repeatedly is our dear friend Larry Moore of Made For A Queen.  He had the presence of mind to actually take photos…

We have big plans for introducing a line of food safe bejeweled cake toppers and cake pins.

The Theme for the party this year was “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” because…  why not?

That’s a cake I made. Wondering how I made Max the dog’s antler?  It’s super easy, and I;ll show you how…

eventually.

That’s the Grinch digging in the tree in the background

…and yes, those are porcelain houses in the tree.

…and a train that goes around the tree.

…and a carousel on top of the tree.

(I know you can’t see that, but it’s there.)

A HUGE “Thank You” goes to Lindsay, Larry, Jan, Kara and Nick for all the help!

The week after the party is usually a down week for me.

Rest, clean, rest, eat, rest, rest…

If only I could rest though…

See, I was clicking around on Amazon one night and up pops remote-controlled flying helium fill balloons shaped like fish.

Well, hell yeah I needed a few.

That’s what they were supposed to look like.  I thought it would be fun and Seussical to have a trout flying around.

Cause, you know…

WHO WOULDN’T THINK THAT’S AWESOME???

Well we ran out of Helium before the trout was full, and we could never get the remote control to pair up, so the fish just sorta lurked around all evening.

To me, this is the best picture ever.

“Oh hey guys, wha you talking about?”

Socially Awkward Trout being a loner.

So, party is over…  few days pass by.

I start hearing noises.

My house is over 200 years old, and I stay here alone a lot of the time…

…I’ve gotten used to hearing things, but this was a new noise.

This was sort of balloon sound followed by a “ping”.

Next day, same thing.

The Trout was lurking around in the dining room…

Apparently, the helium was deflating enough that the stickers holding the bungee cords holding the fins on were popping off and shooting the bungee cords across the room.

I know this because the Weaponized Trout Zeppelin let go a bungee cord and smacked me in the back of the head.

I never know where this damn trout is going to be in the house or when it’s going to lose a volley of bungee cords at me.

It’s actually terrifying to look up and see him eyeing me.

He knows if you are sleeping…

He knows if you’re awake…

He knows if you’ve been bad or good…

So run in terror from the Ninja Trout Zeppelin for goodness sakes.

I know I should go put that trout down and out of his misery but I’m sorta afraid of him.

I am currently working on a Pfeffernüsse Cake.  It’s like Gingerbread cake, but…  MORE.

I’ll publish that before Christmas for you…

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